You might be wondering looking at the title of the blog, what is this lady even trying to say… How can a parent not say “I will take care of everything for you” to their child?
Yes I am saying it and would urge parents to rephrase the same thing to “We are there to support you, we care for you”.
The first statement will make the child totally depend upon the parent to do anything, however independent we are trying to bring the children up. A constant thought that would come up in the child’s mind would be “I can do anything or not do anything also, my parents will still take care” – No that’s surely not what any parent intends to mean.
On the other hand, if the words that are used suggest, that there is help from the parent’s side but the “doing” responsibility still remains with the child. Then there is an instant caution that the child adds to any of their acts. Mentally the child becomes stronger and also looks forward to the motivation from parents when required.
I would like to narrate a conversation that I had with a child. The child was eating junk food most times. I wanted to tell him that so much junk is not good for the health. I started having this conversation on which type of food is good for the body. The child clearly seems to know that junk food is not good. Then when I asked why he is indulging himself, his instant reply was “It tastes good and I like it, so am eating, but my mom will take care of me if at all I fall sick”. While it is good that the child looks up to the parents, in this situation the child should be able to use his intuition or knowledge and refrain himself. He knowingly cannot put himself in a bad situation by saying “My parents will take care”.
As parents we should be careful about few things..
- Words that we use with the children. We might intend something but the child might understand something else.
- Never to make them dependants in the name of care or love.
- Clear instructions on the child’s responsibilities for themselves and others around.
- The first person to care for the child should be themselves.
We need to be sure of what we want for the child and ensure that the child is empowered to take decisions at the right time and situations. Parents are only guides, they cannot live the life for the child.